Dirty Little Secrets – The Critics' Kryptonite

Most food writers (myself included) would like you to think we only eat fancy, fresh food.  That we only eat food prepared by great chefs or from the best street carts.   We don’t.  We binge after “review” dinners.  We sneak into the kitchen late at night and dip into a carton of ice cream, a bag of tortilla chips, and order pizza at two in the morning.  I have a torrid relationship with Ben & Jerry and that crack they call “chocolate chip cookie dough.”

But peanut butter is my kryptonite.  I discovered it late in life and I’ve been making up for lost time since.  I’ve eaten an entire jar in the course of 24 hours.  Do you know how many calories there are in a jar of peanut butter?  An ungodly amount.  And I’m not alone in my weakness for it.  It’s like some unspoken job requirement for food writers.  Frank Bruni, Gael Greene, Ryan Sutton, and countless other food professionals have no self-control in the face of peanut butter.  Me, I’m loyal to Skippy Super Chunk.  I eat it straight the jar with a spoon when no one’s looking.  Some favor fresh ground, organic, or Pan.  Everyone’s got their favorites.   What’s Frank Bruni or Dana Cowin’s?

Frank Bruni (former New York Times critic:) “I’m a peanut butter slut, open to all, faithful to none.”

Dana Cowin (Editor-in-Chief of Food & Wine Magazine:) “I like my peanut butter chunky, and more importantly, I always spread it on toast so it gets a little melty.  For me, peanut butter on toast is the perfect breakfast; peanut butter and jelly is a great lunch and peanut butter and apples is a fun snack. The only time I don’t gravitate toward pb is at dinner.  I’ve tried to pass my affection for this simple food on to my kids. I can’t understand it, but they just aren’t interested. Oh. As for a brand, I grew up with Skippy and never tried another kind.”

Gael Greene (Crain’s Insatiable Critic): “I have not bought peanut butter in decades.  I don’t feel safe with it in my kitchen.  Once in a while, I taste it in a restaurant in the line of duty.  My favorite was Skippy with bacon crisps.”

Adam Platt (food critic for New York Magazine): “I don’t eat peanut butter because I’m too damn fat.  As a (fat) kid, I always preferred mayonnaise in my sandwiches (without jelly of course.)  My girls like smooth, unvarnished, un-organic Skippy, though without chunks or swirls.” 

Ryan Sutton (Bloomberg:) “I eat fresh ground peanut butter everyday. We grind it ourselves right here at Bloomberg. I don’t use a brand.  It’s smooth, not chunky, and I mix about two tablespoons of peanut butter with one teaspoon of honey. After going fresh ground, I’ll never go back.”